My heart is breaking because, I don’t know why it is breaking.
Why can’t I just be happy again?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I fight so hard to make everything perfect, but it falls apart every time. I can’t seem to find the words that describe what I’m feeling. But there’s some things I need to get off my chest. They’re going to be short, simple and blunt.
I have an iPhone, my parents have a BMW, I have a lot, my dad has a 6 digit salary, but do not judge me and call me rich. Calling me rich is an insult. Go look and see what the bible says about the rich. But that is for Gods eyes and judgments only. Do not take the blessing I have received from God and throw them on the ground with your petty words and jealous heart.
I wish I could say I’m sorry my parents are not strict. But, I’m not! Your parents may have rules for your life, maybe even try to control every thing you do, but my parents don’t. Okay? Get over it! At least you don’t go through every day wondering where your parents will spend eternity! Wondering how can heaven be so great, when you may spend it alone. Consider you’re self blessed!
I’m going to use names here. Chris, Jeni, Thomas, Jeremy, Adel, Rushton. I have had so much remorse towards you guys. You left us, you just up and left us. I haven’t heard from half of you. And only have seen some of you at a funeral. But, I forgive you. My heart is with you. And you and your ministries are in my prayers.
I still have so much sadness in my heart after the Leadership thing. And I can’t figure out how to let it go. Why, the freak wont it just leave me. “we fought with our leadership over you”. Why was your leadership fighting back?
92 out of 550 is a horrible class rank to me. A 85 is a horrible grade to me. And 89 is a horrible grade to me. A 91 on my junior paper kills me. Why can’t I just succeed like everyone else.
Why do I still feel like I blew it with you? Why can’t I just realize it wasn’t right?
I’ve been watching “The Moment of Truth”. If you have seen the show, you would know they always seem to ask you questions in the same topics. They break there families hearts for money. All they have to do is answer the questions truthfully. I can’t help but wonder what they would ask me about. My Dad. My family relationships. My faith.
There so much more on my heart.
I feel terrible every time I don’t answer the text message, email, phone call, asking me how I’m doing. But the truth is, my heart doesn’t want to think about it. It feels like a brain teaser in my head, with no answer in sight.
I don’t blame my sadness on anyone but my selfish self.
“JUST BE HAPPY AGAIN, GET OVER YOUR PETTY LITTLE PROBLEMS”
I want to got o Africa,
My heart lies in ministry. I know this now. I’m sticking by it. Ministry is my future.
KINGSFEST!
It will be joy! I want you guys to come so bad.
Disclaimer: If theres any part of this trip you don’t like. Don’t go. Your negative engry will not bring down my joy.
Peace Out.
With loves guys, honestly.
Dear B.F.F.
My heart broke even more tonight to see you sad. I wanted everything to ask you what was wrong. I wanted to do what ever I could to make it better. But I knew that if you told me, I wouldn’t be able to make it. I want you to know, my heart broke not asking you. But I was protecting it from breaking more. You are in my constant prayers, and you will forever be a blessing upon my life.
3 comment(s) from you.:
We need to set a time aside to talk... about the "joy" factor! I have way too much to say just in email! But with the busy week of Easter ahead, I may need to give it a shot!
i'm sorry ppl are defining you by what your parents possessions (if it was me, sorry :-( ). you are so much more than that.
you are what God says you are: living stone, high priest, more than a conqueror, head & not tail, always above & never beneath, blessed beyond measure.
it is a blessing to live a life of over-abundance, not just materially (those things are those for which you should be thankful for & i know you are), but in all things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, etc. when we as christians come to the knowledge & understanding that God is blessing us financially so that we can be good stewards, it becomes less of a burden. you're where God wants & needs you to be.
we (the fig 5) think you're amazing & enjoy every moment we get to spend w/you.
nos vemos, chico!
:-) mama figs
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