Thoughts, yo!

A lot of people saw my apathy and assumed that it was sorrow, well, so did I. But, I have had a lot of time to think in the past 24 hours. I’m not sad or depressed, I’m just negative. I’ve allowed myself to become uptight and overwhelmed, so I have began to look at everything intolerably and poorly. I’m looking at “the glass half empty”. I’ve allowed the devil to blind me from the blessings that are standing right in front of me.

The loss of my grandpa has been sad, but it hasn’t been what I would have expected. We drove up to Virginia to sit around and do nothing. My Dad and his two brothers have made no decisions and are basically just staring at each other. It’s so depressing because it is dreadfully apparent that it hasn’t set in, that they are still in denial. It is overwhelming disheartening to see my grandma. She has recently started Chemo and radiation for her lung caner, and she is clearly sick and distressed at the situations at hand. But, I feel like when it hits those three men, that the storm will be long and hard.

Sitting around my uncles house with nothing to do, as obviously permitted me to do a lot of thinking about the things that I was blaming my grief on.

I had a lot of people ask me what was up with me. There we’re a lot of people who told me that they would pray for me. But only one person showed me, only one friend took the time to show me that they were thinking of me, and that they would take the time to pray for me. I thank you so much, Amanda Tiner, your words, wisdom, and prayer was definitely the stepping ladder to get me out of this pit.

I still have theses same situations that were causing the emotions. I have just started to look at them with different eyes, through a different type of looking glass.

I’ve decided that I will stay at the church. A handful of you knew my struggle with possibly leaving the church, or just possible ministries. But, I found that God has a plan through this, and though I struggle with it, he is only trying to reveal something with me. With that being said, I’m going to try and limit my talking badly about some parts of the church. Instead, I will embrace all aspects of it with my whole self, and pray that God stays in control, and I know that he will.

There is an, we’ll call it anonymous, emotion that has been surrounding me. It’s a familiar feeling. I think that I have strong feeling for someone, but I can’t be positive. I don’t know if it’s real or not. I have given it all the following reasons for occurring: It’s real, it’s a crush, its jealousy, its fear, it’s coping, it’s a test, and it’s godly. But, I’m not sure if I could ever embrace this emotion, because of the possible outcome. I don’t even know if it’s real. Is it real? Is it too soon? Am I just jealous? Do I just want the spotlight? I sure have been think about them an awful a lot more recently. We’ll leave it that. HoKay.

My friends, this one is slightly comical. I wish that every one of you could just take a look at what is surrounding our friends. I can’t help but laugh just thinking about it. (High School, High, School, High School). Very few of you actually see the full picture. But, I know that if everything comes to light, the outcome will be bad. I just pray, that the right information comes to play, and that everything works out. I don’t want to see everything go down hill, over a few crushes.

These are only some of the things that were on my mind. But, this is my declaration that I will begin to become more positive and not allow things to bother me so. I’m going to enjoy life. I’m going to spend my summer planning stuff for our friends to do. That is, if my Dad doesn’t make me get a job.

Bye for now. Hopefully I’ll be home soon.
Texts and emails would be nice (720-1077 JoeRoy126@aim.com)

Peace.
God Bless.

Well, one last complaint: A reply email would have been nice. But thanks for your concern it shows you care. Rolls eyes.
Ha!