Most of you that saw me at church tonight, previous to service, would have thought I had had a bad day. Well, the truth is I had a bad 2 hrs pervious to service. Honestly, there is so much for me to be thankful for. So, I want to actually take some time to reflect on something positive on my blog.

Thursday:
This Thursday my dad fly’s home for the first time in 6th months. Last time he was home, he flew in on father’s day, he was welcomed off the plane with the news that his father, my grandpa, passed away early that morning. Hopefully this time he will actually enjoy being home. My Grandma went into major surgery today, and she’s going to be in the hospital for the next 2 weeks. Let’s pray nothing goes wrong, if for anything, my dad can come home happily.

Café:
My last day is officially going to be the 18th, two Sundays from now. I’m so relieved, it is going to be such a weight of my shoulder. I can begin to embrace my senior year, and take time to seek God’s purpose for my life. I want to grow in my relationships at c3 before I leave. Working the café was awesome, for about a month and ½. I met so many awesome people, and learned a lot. I’m going to miss the relationships and the e-mail address. lol

Caswell:
Every year, for the past three years, West Johnston, picks students out of the school, nominated by teachers, to attend a Leadership Retreat. So, obviously it is for the “top student leaders” at West Johnston. I have been nominated and accepted to go all three years that it has been going on. It is a huge accomplishment in itself. Today, I discovered that I have the opportunity to further my involvement in the retreat. I get to actually be a “leader” and the retreat. It requires me to help plan the event, and lead students in a small group setting. Above all it means that I was chosen out of the leaders at West, to be a leader of them. “A leader of leaders”. It means a lot to me.

Superlative:
If you didn’t know, I was nominated and voted as the “West Johnston High School Senior Class Most Likely To Change The World”. This meant more to me, than it did to the other superlative winners. I guess it’s because, there are a lot of opportunities for people who excel in athletics and academics, and who are artistic and musical to be recognized for what they do. But, there aren’t any awards or medals for the things that I’m passionate about. So, to be voted on by my peers as that, it was like winning I poetry contest for a artist, or being valedictorian for the scholar, or winning the gold medal to the athlete.

January 26th:
My Birthday! I’m so excited; I’m turning 18, an adult. Well, legally an adult, not to positive about the mental aspect. We’ll see. It’s crazy to think that I’m actually turning 18. I’m so thankful for the childhood God has given me, it’s such a blessing. I have nothing planned though. Maybe I’ll got buy a pack of cigarettes, just for fun. Then like give it to a homeless guy or something. Ha, Go watch an R rated movie and get a tattoo.

June 12th:
I cannot believe that Graduation in only 5 months away, and only 8 months until I move 3 hours away. Wow. It’s so surreal. The idea of actually moving on with life, becoming slightly more independent, and seeing all of God’s purpose for me to unfold, it is so exciting, invigorating, scary, surreal.

I have so much more to be thankful for, friends, family, a life giving church, amazing opportunities, the new Madea movie :), and an amazing never failing God.

Peace.

Oh yeah, I have a new friend, her name is Beyonce...
I love her. <3>

Remember This?

Kristina did this first, and then we all stole it.

I’m stealing one more time.

Hmkay?

no assumptions

one.

The hardest part is sitting back watching you hurting. Knowing there is very little I can do. I want to run to you, pick you up, and be the shoulder for you to lean on, like I have been before. But, when I take a step back and look at reality, I know if I do that, I’ll only hurt myself. I can’t get as close to you as we we’re before, at least not now. Maybe over time God will give me the peace of mind and strength to know that I could get close to you, and pursue a pure, strong friendship. But, the fact of the matter is, I beat myself up everyday because of you, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why God has made you so special to me, I don’t understand his purpose. Honestly, the only reason I can be so blunt, and obvious about who this (person “one”) is, that there is no way most people wouldn’t be able to figure it out, because I know there’s a 99% chance you’ll never read this. I know it’s because you don’t care enough about me to want to read about my hurts. And, Gah! I guess that’s what pulling me apart, piece by piece. Knowing God has put you in my life and heart in such a big way, only to know that there is nothing remotely close to that for me in yours. I really don’t know what to do between me and you. I don’t want to scare you away and I don’t want you to know my heart. But I never want to leave you or give up our friendship. I guess it’s embarrassment. That really doesn’t make since either, though. Everyone else knows. Why the crap does it matter so much if you do? Even though you probably do. But, I guess that brings us back to the original question. Why do you mean so much to me? Maybe God will show me.

two.

Gosh I am so tired of you. Get over yourself, please? Your so selfish, that it pisses me off. Your hurting so many people because of your selfish desire to be independent and live your life. Shut up, please. Maybe one day God will grant me patience enough to deal with you.

three.

I miss you, where did you go?

four.
Maybe one day our friendship will really blossom, and maybe we’ll stop making each other mad and getting each other mad. Hopefully in the next 6 months.

five.

I suck being your friend, I don’t know why.

six.

You’re an awesome person. I am so glad that God has brought you into my life. Man, you are going to rock the world for Christ. You truly are amazing.

seven.

I have no feelings towards you…positive, negative. Maybe that will change.

So, these are seven people who are on my mind, what seems like all the time.

I don’t know why I wrote this.

Whatever.

Pray for me?

Please

Remember This?

Kristina did this first, and then we all stole it.

I’m stealing one more time.

Hmkay?

no assumptions

one.

The hardest part is sitting back watching you hurting. Knowing there is very little I can do. I want to run to you, pick you up, and be the shoulder for you to lean on, like I have been before. But, when I take a step back and look at reality, I know if I do that, I’ll only hurt myself. I can’t get as close to you as we we’re before, at least not now. Maybe over time God will give me the peace of mind and strength to know that I could get close to you, and pursue a pure, strong friendship. But, the fact of the matter is, I beat myself up everyday because of you, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why God has made you so special to me, I don’t understand his purpose. Honestly, the only reason I can be so blunt, and obvious about who this (person “one”) is, that there is no way most people wouldn’t be able to figure it out, because I know there’s a 99% chance you’ll never read this. I know it’s because you don’t care enough about me to want to read about my hurts. And, Gah! I guess that’s what pulling me apart, piece by piece. Knowing God has put you in my life and heart in such a big way, only to know that there is nothing remotely close to that for me in yours. I really don’t know what to do between me and you. I don’t want to scare you away and I don’t want you to know my heart. But I never want to leave you or give up our friendship. I guess it’s embarrassment. That really doesn’t make since either, though. Everyone else knows. Why the crap does it matter so much if you do? Even though you probably do. But, I guess that brings us back to the original question. Why do you mean so much to me? Maybe God will show me.

two.

Gosh I am so tired of you. Get over yourself, please? Your so selfish, that it pisses me off. Your hurting so many people because of your selfish desire to be independent and live your life. Shut up, please. Maybe one day God will grant me patience enough to deal with you.

three.

I miss you, where did you go?

four.
Maybe one day our friendship will really blossom, and maybe we’ll stop making each other mad and getting each other mad. Hopefully in the next 6 months.

five.

I suck being your friend, I don’t know why.

six.

You’re an awesome person. I am so glad that God has brought you into my life. Man, you are going to rock the world for Christ. You truly are amazing.

seven.

I have no feelings towards you…positive, negative. Maybe that will change.

So, these are seven people who are on my mind, what seems like all the time.

I don’t know why I wrote this.

Whatever.

Pray for me?

Please