Joe Roy

New Blog

2009-07-09T23:14:00.002-04:00

www.JoeRoy.org

Check it Out

Anyone Else love this song as much as me?

2009-02-12T00:08:00.000-05:00

2009-01-12T22:34:00.002-05:00

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This *is* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out

2009-01-07T23:34:00.003-05:00

Most of you that saw me at church tonight, previous to service, would have thought I had had a bad day. Well, the truth is I had a bad 2 hrs pervious to service. Honestly, there is so much for me to be thankful for. So, I want to actually take some time to reflect on something positive on my blog.

Thursday:

This Thursday my dad fly’s home for the first time in 6th months. Last time he was home, he flew in on father’s day, he was welcomed off the plane with the news that his father, my grandpa, passed away early that morning. Hopefully this time he will actually enjoy being home. My Grandma went into major surgery today, and she’s going to be in the hospital for the next 2 weeks. Let’s pray nothing goes wrong, if for anything, my dad can come home happily.

Café:

My last day is officially going to be the 18th, two Sundays from now. I’m so relieved, it is going to be such a weight of my shoulder. I can begin to embrace my senior year, and take time to seek God’s purpose for my life. I want to grow in my relationships at c3 before I leave. Working the café was awesome, for about a month and ½. I met so many awesome people, and learned a lot. I’m going to miss the relationships and the e-mail address. lol

Caswell:

Every year, for the past three years, West Johnston, picks students out of the school, nominated by teachers, to attend a Leadership Retreat. So, obviously it is for the “top student leaders” at West Johnston. I have been nominated and accepted to go all three years that it has been going on. It is a huge accomplishment in itself. Today, I discovered that I have the opportunity to further my involvement in the retreat. I get to actually be a “leader” and the retreat. It requires me to help plan the event, and lead students in a small group setting. Above all it means that I was chosen out of the leaders at West, to be a leader of them. “A leader of leaders”. It means a lot to me.

Superlative:

If you didn’t know, I was nominated and voted as the “West Johnston High School Senior Class Most Likely To Change The World”. This meant more to me, than it did to the other superlative winners. I guess it’s because, there are a lot of opportunities for people who excel in athletics and academics, and who are artistic and musical to be recognized for what they do. But, there aren’t any awards or medals for the things that I’m passionate about. So, to be voted on by my peers as that, it was like winning I poetry contest for a artist, or being valedictorian for the scholar, or winning the gold medal to the athlete.

January 26th:

My Birthday! I’m so excited; I’m turning 18, an adult. Well, legally an adult, not to positive about the mental aspect. We’ll see. It’s crazy to think that I’m actually turning 18. I’m so thankful for the childhood God has given me, it’s such a blessing. I have nothing planned though. Maybe I’ll got buy a pack of cigarettes, just for fun. Then like give it to a homeless guy or something. Ha, Go watch an R rated movie and get a tattoo.

June 12th:

I cannot believe that Graduation in only 5 months away, and only 8 months until I move 3 hours away. Wow. It’s so surreal. The idea of actually moving on with life, becoming slightly more independent, and seeing all of God’s purpose for me to unfold, it is so exciting, invigorating, scary, surreal.

I have so much more to be thankful for, friends, family, a life giving church, amazing opportunities, the new Madea movie :), and an amazing never failing God.

Peace.

Oh yeah, I have a new friend, her name is Beyonce...

I love her. <3>

Remember This?

2009-01-05T22:44:00.001-05:00

Kristina did this first, and then we all stole it.

I’m stealing one more time.

Hmkay?

no assumptions

one.

The hardest part is sitting back watching you hurting. Knowing there is very little I can do. I want to run to you, pick you up, and be the shoulder for you to lean on, like I have been before. But, when I take a step back and look at reality, I know if I do that, I’ll only hurt myself. I can’t get as close to you as we we’re before, at least not now. Maybe over time God will give me the peace of mind and strength to know that I could get close to you, and pursue a pure, strong friendship. But, the fact of the matter is, I beat myself up everyday because of you, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why God has made you so special to me, I don’t understand his purpose. Honestly, the only reason I can be so blunt, and obvious about who this (person “one”) is, that there is no way most people wouldn’t be able to figure it out, because I know there’s a 99% chance you’ll never read this. I know it’s because you don’t care enough about me to want to read about my hurts. And, Gah! I guess that’s what pulling me apart, piece by piece. Knowing God has put you in my life and heart in such a big way, only to know that there is nothing remotely close to that for me in yours. I really don’t know what to do between me and you. I don’t want to scare you away and I don’t want you to know my heart. But I never want to leave you or give up our friendship. I guess it’s embarrassment. That really doesn’t make since either, though. Everyone else knows. Why the crap does it matter so much if you do? Even though you probably do. But, I guess that brings us back to the original question. Why do you mean so much to me? Maybe God will show me.

two.

Gosh I am so tired of you. Get over yourself, please? Your so selfish, that it pisses me off. Your hurting so many people because of your selfish desire to be independent and live your life. Shut up, please. Maybe one day God will grant me patience enough to deal with you.

three.

I miss you, where did you go?

four.
Maybe one day our friendship will really blossom, and maybe we’ll stop making each other mad and getting each other mad. Hopefully in the next 6 months.

five.

I suck being your friend, I don’t know why.

six.

You’re an awesome person. I am so glad that God has brought you into my life. Man, you are going to rock the world for Christ. You truly are amazing.

seven.

I have no feelings towards you…positive, negative. Maybe that will change.

So, these are seven people who are on my mind, what seems like all the time.

I don’t know why I wrote this.

Whatever.

Pray for me?

Please

Remember This?

2009-01-05T22:44:00.000-05:00

Kristina did this first, and then we all stole it.

I’m stealing one more time.

Hmkay?

no assumptions

one.

two.

three.

I miss you, where did you go?

four.
Maybe one day our friendship will really blossom, and maybe we’ll stop making each other mad and getting each other mad. Hopefully in the next 6 months.

five.

I suck being your friend, I don’t know why.

six.

You’re an awesome person. I am so glad that God has brought you into my life. Man, you are going to rock the world for Christ. You truly are amazing.

seven.

I have no feelings towards you…positive, negative. Maybe that will change.

So, these are seven people who are on my mind, what seems like all the time.

I don’t know why I wrote this.

Whatever.

Pray for me?

Please

2008-11-17T21:44:00.002-05:00

I guess.
The past few days have been hard.
This weekend,
It was the most emotional weekend I have had.
At least in a long time.
I was so confused.
I sat it Starbucks.
Friday and Saturday night.
Praying.Reading.Thinking.
I've wrote two blogs.
Deleted them both.
Hopefully before anyone read them.
I was trying to get my thoughts straight.
Before I published them to the world.

I'm in deep prayer. Praying the God will be glorified in everything. Praying his will be done. That eyes will be open to his word. His sacrifice. His life. I'm in deep prayer.

later.

Vision

2008-11-10T23:40:00.004-05:00

Tonight, I was inspired to make my way back to the blogging world. It’s been so long since I’ve typed on this thing. I guess the reason why I haven’t blogged in so long is because, one I don’t have time, two there’s to much going on to try to pick one out and finding the right words to explain it, and three a fear of letting people in on to much.

Do you guys remember when we first all started blogging? It was shortly after Facebook hit big. I think we we’re all inspired to write a blog, because we had read someone else’s. I think it’s safe to say that Rachel H. and Patience probably had something to with us all starting a blog. They are who inspired me. For awhile it seemed like everyone was doing it. It was cool to be able to go onto people’s pages, and read their thoughts and views on life. I was talking to Amanda Boyle tonight, and we both agreed on how scary it is to think about who can and do read our blogs, without us even knowing about it.

But, today I started a 30 day fast from Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter. The church is doing a 14 day Daniels fast. I had all intentions of doing the Daniels fast, I’ve even did it for the first 24 hours. But, today when I got home, the first thing I did was go to Facebook. God showed me that it would be so much more beneficial to me to stay away from Facebook. Take the time that I wasted on Facebook, and spend more time with God. Out of this fast, I’m seeking guidance in my relationships, role in the church, preparing myself for college, and seeking and understanding God’s vision for my life.

Mrs. Martha Fry came into my class today as my guest speaker. She talked to my class about vision. It was awesome; she did a fantastic job, and even managed to throw a little bit of the gospel into public school. And that is something we need. But, lately God’s vision had been so present on my mind. I’ve known forever that I loved to travel. And for awhile now, I’ve known I wanted to do missions. And I’ve known for quite sometime that I want to go to Liberty. This year, however, I discovered my love and the special place God has placed in my heart for Africa. It grows more and more the closer I grow to God.

But, these past few days have been a huge step forward into understanding God’s vision, God’s plan for my life. I know now, that I want to Major in Missions Work and minor in Church Administration. After graduating I want to go work at church, hopefully overseeing all of their missions programs. At one point in my life I know I want to completely move my life over to Africa. Maybe, help plant and be a part of a life giving church in the heart of Africa.

This new found understanding for God’s purpose in my life has motivated me to move forward. I’m so ready to experience all of God’s purpose for my life. I know that it’s going to be hard, but it will be so worth it. I’ve always been nervous about ministry and missions because of the finical aspect. But, now I’m at peace.

“Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you.” Luke 14:14 NLT

Now, that I’ve given you a small portion of what’s on my mind, hopefully will be inspired to write more. I know this was a short blog, but at least it’s a blog. If you guys want to talk to me. 720-1077 or email me Joe@c3church.com

Later

JoeRoy.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” Proverbs 29:18 KJV

Psht...

2008-09-16T16:28:00.002-04:00

Who needs a social life anymore?

Thursday
	School	7:00	2:30
	Café	3:00	9:00
Friday
	School	7:00	2:30
	Café	3:00	9:00
Saturday
	Free	12:00	4:00
	Café	4:30	6:00
	Church	6:00	7:15
	Café	7:15	9:00
Sunday
	Café	7:00	10:45
	Kids	10:45	12:30
	Lunch	12:30	3:00
	Café	3:00	5:00
	Tech	3:00	5:00
	Youth	5:00	6:15
	Café	6:15	8:00

Obviously not me, closing the cafe..every night!

Ugh.
I miss hanging out with everyone.
It really is killing me.
:(
please come see me when I'm at the cafe
please!!

2008-09-02T23:26:00.004-04:00

But, I don't know what to write...

School is going good, boring.
Honors Chemistry is going to kick my tail.
I took senior pictures today, it was fun.
I talked to Mitch on the phone, which was pretty awesome.
He’s a cool dude, for real.
I had an awesome time in the mountains.
I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
God is convicting me in certain areas.
I’m working on them.
I’m ready for the café to be open.
I really like McCain’s VP – Sara Palin
She’s an “evangelical, pro-life, conservative, NRA member, and a mother of 5”
The holy spirit is so alive in me now. I can’t stop smiling
Remember my “eyes being opened” to someone? … I do
Diligently praying, searching for direction, and patiently waiting.
I’m ready to grow closer to God through my friends.

Quotes I like, hmkay:

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

- Albert Einstein

If you are strangers to prayer you are strangers to power."

- Billy Sunday

Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?"

- C.S. Lewis

Ya dig?

Peace

Do you remember when we first met? I sure do
It was some time in early September
Though you were lazy about it, you made me wait around
I was so crazy about you, I didn't mind

So I was late for class, I locked my bike to yours
It wasn't hard to find, you'd painted flowers on
Guess that I was afraid that if you rolled away
You might not roll back my direction real soon

I need to Update

2008-09-02T23:17:00.002-04:00

But, I don't know what to write...

School is going good, boring.
Honors Chemistry is going to kick my tail.
I took senior pictures today, it was fun.
I talked to Mitch on the phone, which was pretty awesome.

He’s a cool dude, for real.

I had an awesome time in the mountains.
I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
God is convicting me in certain areas.

I’m working on them.

I’m ready for the café to be open.
I really like McCain’s VP – Sara Palin

She’s an “evangelical, pro-life, conservative, NRA member, and a mother of 5”

The holy spirit is so alive in me now. I can’t stop smiling
Remember my “eyes being opened” to someone? … I do

Diligently praying, searching for direction, and patiently waiting.

I’m ready to grow closer to God through my friends.

Quotes I like, hmkay:

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.

- Albert Einstein

If you are strangers to prayer you are strangers to power."

- Billy Sunday

Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?"

- C.S. Lewis

Ya dig?

Peace

Just as good as the first time...

2008-08-20T22:30:00.004-04:00

LifeHouse Skit

Adult Version - LifeHouse Skit

I've seen that first video so many time, had so many conversations about it, heard so many references to it. But, still it grabs a hold of my heart. It's so easy to be in absolute love with Christ, and to slowly fall in love with the ways of the world.

You make on little mistake, which leads to another slip-up or flaw, and you continue to make these faux pas until you are drowning in a pit of sin, humility, danger, and abandonment.

The amazing part is all you have to do is ask for it, and God will do the rest.

Resounding YES

2008-08-13T23:00:00.005-04:00

Ever been so wrapped up with life that you forget to take time to think, to reflect?

Obviously my answer to this question is a resounding “yes!”

I’ve been so busy lately; I haven’t had a single moment pass by that wasn’t cluttered by typical daily worries, duties, errands, appointments, and people’s needs. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being busy, it excites me, makes me joyful.

But, I need to take a minute, a breather if you will, to reflect over the thoughts that pass through my head over the course of the frenzied days. My mind is like 7:00 traffic in some over populated down town freeway. Speeding by quickly and not taking the time to hang around long enough to come to a conclusion to where they’re going.

CHURCH::

I'm 100% sure I'm where God wants me.
I get frustrated with people who jump around. Stay or leave.
I love where God has placed me inside the church.
I could volunteer at the church all week, if I needed to.

SCHOOL::

I like the way my schedule is looking.
Although, not looking forward to the year long AP class AFTER school.
I'm excited to be senior
I can not wait for Liberty.

FRIENDS::

My relationships with friends are changing.
Over all I'm happy, because I know God is in control.
But, I wish it wasn't so hard.
I wish I didn't need to worry about their true intentions so often

NO TITLE::

I promised myself I wouldn't play the "I Like" game.
I refuse to be overtaken by the hellish circumstances of a middle school scheme.
I will say, however, my eyes are being open. It's in God's hands.
And no, I'm not making a move, until they show me a reason to take a chance.

RANDOM::

My mom wants me to trade my 99' Grand Am with my brothers 07' Honda Civic.
I have an interview to work at the cafe' at 9:30 Thursday.
I need some scholarships, help?
My two new songs to blast in my car by myself are: "True Love" and "Beauty of the Lord"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m over taken by the passion that I can see radiating in my friends to become something better. They always want to find a way to improve themselves and the circumstances that surround them. It’s contagious and invigorating. Friends mean so much to me. I would do anything for them. I love "the group". I love how we try to fit "the group" in my 5 passenger car. I love how the group is bigger then 5. I love being around them, period. They're awesome, no doubt.

Beach Trip C:

2008-07-09T00:04:00.007-04:00

I’ve come to terms that I’m burning both sides of the rope
And I’m hoping that self-control would kick in before I’m choking off
The sin that be destroying every fiber I got
I need the Lord in every way I’ll never make it I’m not
Going back to the way I was before Christ in my life

I couldn’t do it I would lose it there’s no point to the fight
And I’m writing this song, for the people who don’t belong
I pray away the pain you feel from all the things that went wrong
Inside a life that’s filled with anger and disappointment
Cause daddy treated you weaker than all of the other kids
It’s annoying and I feel for all of you who wanna give up
You feel stuck I feel the same way Lord help us stay up
You couldn’t pay me to abandon the idea of true hope
That I could make it through this life into a place where there’s no crying
I’m dying to find You with open arms when I go
Knowing You love me and You waiting to give rest to my soul

Leaving the church office on Wednesday, I knew where I was headed, but I was so unaware of what my soul, heart, and mind would experience on this classic beach trip.

Unaccompanied in a car except with your phone, which brings excitement with every sporadic text message, you’re listening to your iPod, it’s so hard not to get lost in deep reflection. The song above came across my stereo. I’ve listened to it so many times, at least 100, but never before have those bolded lyrics above stood out like they did that day. My heart was filled with peace. Harmony and tranquility filled every twine of my being with love.

But, that wasn’t even the beginning of the restoration God had in store for me:

Walking on the beach at night, I find it almost unfeasible not to see God speaking to me. He so often speaks to me symbolically, because he knows that’s how my mind thinks.

Immediately after peaking my head above the sand dune, and beginning my walk down the beach God began to speak to me. He spoke to me through the water, the waves, the sand, the sky, the stars, the wind, the lights, and the people.

God showed me the splendor that is romance. There we’re a few couples littered across the beach. There we’re old ones, and young ones. A few of them we’re walking down the beach, holding each others hands, others just gazing out into God’s creation, while in the embrace of the one they love. One, even, getting a little to “romantic” on the beach, I inadvertently interrupted them with my being there. It just gets your mind racing about when you’ll be gazing into the stars with that “one”.

When I made it to the waters edge God showed me the stars. He reminded me that he put every one of them in their place, and can call them all out by name.

He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name. Psalm 147:4

If I can believe he knows the location and the name of every sole star that I can see, even the millions I can not, then I should have conviction that he knows all of my tribulations and he has his hand on each one of them. I rejoice in knowing that I have a God that knows everything about me, even that in which I don’t.

I looked up in the sky and decided to begin to to relate friends to stars. When I found a distinct star that I knew I could, optimistically, find again, I would recount them to a friend. So now, when I see that star I will think of them. Pretty nifty, huh?

God spoke to me any so many more ways. But, it would take me years to find the words to describe them. I was filled with him, he was surrounding me, I was at serenity, and he brought me so much comfort.

The last thing he spoke to me was a familiar favorite of mine. We must allow our light to shine, always, whether it is in the pitch of night, or in the light of the sun. It is so easy to let our individual light shine when it’s dark, and no one else is around. The hard part is allowing our individual light shine when the space if flooded by the lights of others. Walking back, leaving the beach, I looked to the stars one last time. I saw how bright they shined in the night sky, but as my line of sight moved closer to the town, the light that immersed from it flooded out the twinkling lights from the sky. Depressed by the symbolism of allowing our light to blend in with our surroundings, God again showed me. A lighting bug flew in front of my eyes, and blinked its distinct radiant light in front of me, showing me that it’s not impossible to let our light distinctly shine in a sky flooded with light.

God Bless,

Joe Roy

Don't you love it when you're happy, I know I do, it's about time too.

"Will you go steady with me?"

2008-06-28T01:16:00.000-04:00

Recently, everything that I have posted, I haven’t really liked. I made myself vulnerable just to write it. I felt like everyone who would read it would think that I was weak, that I wasn’t able to handle myself. Maybe they would think I was just dramatic, maybe they thought I was weak in my faith. I didn’t like it. I like for people to think that I have it all together, even when I don’t. I want people to look at me and think that I’m strong, not that I’m going through some heavy things. I don’t want people to think that I’m weak.

I was watching Scrubs today, and it gave me an epiphany that set my mind to rest. I’ve questioned for a few weeks why we as teenagers are so wrapped up in finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend. On the episode they showed a montage of people who we’re in a relationship. There was a young couple kissing, a teenage couple hugging, and an elderly couple dancing.

I don’t know how to go about writing this, so bare with me.

Have you ever heard the song “Walking Her Home” by Mark Shultz? The song tells of a guy who goes and picks up a girl for her first date. They end up getting married, and having a kid together. But when she dies, the love is still there and greater than ever. Basically what I’m saying, it that I have realized that it’s just natural for us to look for someone to be with. The comfort of having someone to be with, to hold, to laugh with and at, and to do life with is not something that we take for granted.

Don’t get me wrong, you should always seek God first, then you should go on to seek a mate. I think that tradition and society try’s to tell us not to date until we’re 18. But, there are many accounts in the bible when people we’re not 18 and God used them to change the world. If God thinks that people can be mature enough to change the world, I believe that he thinks we’re old enough to enter into a dating relationship.

I do however; agree with Pastor Matt and Martha, “you date to find your mate”. I feel as if you can’t see yourself marrying the person you’re dating, than there is no reason to be with them. I also feel like if you’re mature enough to be in a dating relationship, you should be mature enough to take on the biblical roles that the bible teaches us. If you’re not ready for that, you’re not ready to date.

I don’t disagree with high school students dating; I do disagree, however, on how we tend to go about dating someone. We always play the “I like” “I’m crushing on” game. I don’t think that we should ever play this game. What ever happened to courting the person you want to be with? If you just collectively come together and say you like one another and start dating, that’s not healthy. I think that we should first spend sometime with the person. You should first really get to know them. Whatever happened to going on dates, and then asking them “will you go steady with me?”?

I also think we should always pray about the relationship first, and make sure that you get you’re parents approval.

Well, there’s my 2cents, I guess.

Peace

Pray

2008-06-21T00:53:00.002-04:00

Lord,

I lift myself up to you right now God. I wish that you would grab a hold of my hands and lift me out of this pit. I know that you are the only one strong enough to put me back on solid ground. I give everything I have to you. I’m surrendering everything to you and I refuse to take any of it back. You have pulled me out of pits so many times, and you watched me step and fall right into another. I pray that this time you will have your hand on my guidance. That you will show back to that familiar path.

I don’t pray that you stop the burden that has been placed in my heart. This burden is strong, God. But, I know that it is a burden that you yourself have placed there. I know that I should use this knowledge that I have gained, and find away to make it better before it shatters. You’ve given me the tools to tighten the pipe before burst, now give me the strength to turn the wrench.

I pray that my friends, as well as I, will first seek you God, first grow in their relationship with you God. I pray that you help them do this before they begin to seek a relationship with someone else, and search for a girlfriend or a boyfriend. You have given me so much knowledge in the area of “who likes who”. But God, I know that you can see so much more. You seen the deepest parts of our hearts, and you really do know where their hearts lie. God I know your burden is much stronger.

I want for you to put a divine blessing upon c3, the youth group, and the souls that inhabit them. God, although we may not see clearly, we may not see the end of the road, but we know you do. My prayer is that we can continue down this road until you tell us it is time to exit. I pray that although we do not see the final destination of this road, you keep us on the straight and narrow until we can see it clearly. I not only want a blessing over c3 and its ministries God, but I wish that the ministries that my friends are apart of will see amazing things happen within them in the near future.

God the prayers are many and the blessings are of abundant flow. You have given us so much, but yet we always seem to find something else to ask for. Help our selfish hearts God.

Be with my family in this time of mourning. I pray that you keep them strong God, and only good will come of this. Please be with my Grandma, I plead for it. She is struggling so much. The chemo has been so hard on her God. I pray that when she gets the test to see if the chemo is helping, that they’re will be miraculous news.

I pray for all of my friends. Keep their heads high, their faith strong, and their minds set on the road ahead. I pray for your guidance in all of our life’s God. Have your hand on our relationship with one another. Allow to grow close to one another, to become a friendship that will last forever.

In your Christ name I pray,
Amen.

Thoughts, yo!

2008-06-16T23:33:00.002-04:00

A lot of people saw my apathy and assumed that it was sorrow, well, so did I. But, I have had a lot of time to think in the past 24 hours. I’m not sad or depressed, I’m just negative. I’ve allowed myself to become uptight and overwhelmed, so I have began to look at everything intolerably and poorly. I’m looking at “the glass half empty”. I’ve allowed the devil to blind me from the blessings that are standing right in front of me.

The loss of my grandpa has been sad, but it hasn’t been what I would have expected. We drove up to Virginia to sit around and do nothing. My Dad and his two brothers have made no decisions and are basically just staring at each other. It’s so depressing because it is dreadfully apparent that it hasn’t set in, that they are still in denial. It is overwhelming disheartening to see my grandma. She has recently started Chemo and radiation for her lung caner, and she is clearly sick and distressed at the situations at hand. But, I feel like when it hits those three men, that the storm will be long and hard.

Sitting around my uncles house with nothing to do, as obviously permitted me to do a lot of thinking about the things that I was blaming my grief on.

I had a lot of people ask me what was up with me. There we’re a lot of people who told me that they would pray for me. But only one person showed me, only one friend took the time to show me that they were thinking of me, and that they would take the time to pray for me. I thank you so much, Amanda Tiner, your words, wisdom, and prayer was definitely the stepping ladder to get me out of this pit.

I still have theses same situations that were causing the emotions. I have just started to look at them with different eyes, through a different type of looking glass.

I’ve decided that I will stay at the church. A handful of you knew my struggle with possibly leaving the church, or just possible ministries. But, I found that God has a plan through this, and though I struggle with it, he is only trying to reveal something with me. With that being said, I’m going to try and limit my talking badly about some parts of the church. Instead, I will embrace all aspects of it with my whole self, and pray that God stays in control, and I know that he will.

There is an, we’ll call it anonymous, emotion that has been surrounding me. It’s a familiar feeling. I think that I have strong feeling for someone, but I can’t be positive. I don’t know if it’s real or not. I have given it all the following reasons for occurring: It’s real, it’s a crush, its jealousy, its fear, it’s coping, it’s a test, and it’s godly. But, I’m not sure if I could ever embrace this emotion, because of the possible outcome. I don’t even know if it’s real. Is it real? Is it too soon? Am I just jealous? Do I just want the spotlight? I sure have been think about them an awful a lot more recently. We’ll leave it that. HoKay.

My friends, this one is slightly comical. I wish that every one of you could just take a look at what is surrounding our friends. I can’t help but laugh just thinking about it. (High School, High, School, High School). Very few of you actually see the full picture. But, I know that if everything comes to light, the outcome will be bad. I just pray, that the right information comes to play, and that everything works out. I don’t want to see everything go down hill, over a few crushes.

These are only some of the things that were on my mind. But, this is my declaration that I will begin to become more positive and not allow things to bother me so. I’m going to enjoy life. I’m going to spend my summer planning stuff for our friends to do. That is, if my Dad doesn’t make me get a job.

Bye for now. Hopefully I’ll be home soon.
Texts and emails would be nice (720-1077 JoeRoy126@aim.com)

Peace.
God Bless.

Well, one last complaint: A reply email would have been nice. But thanks for your concern it shows you care. Rolls eyes.
Ha!

Yeah.

2008-06-15T14:44:00.001-04:00

exactly.

Match Game

2008-05-26T18:47:00.005-04:00

Have you ever had so many emotions that you didn’t know what situation they match up to? It’s like one of those matching worksheets, which we had to do in elementary school. There are two columns, and you have to draw a line to the one it matches. But, you don’t know the answers, you get so confused. You draw the line to the wrong picture, so you have to erase. Your paper begins to get smudgy and dirty looking. You don’t want your new line to be confused with an old one, so you do it loopy so it stands out. When you finally finish you begin to grow nervous, scared that the teacher want be able to read what line matches up with what line. So you make one column letter, and the other numbers. You write in the margin of the paper, what matches up with what. After completing the grueling task you noticed you paper is not only dirtier but more confusing then before. You erase all of it and finally request another sheet of paper. But, “Sorry, I only made enough for everyone to get one”.

That’s what my mind feels like right now. I’m not sure about any of my emotions towards situations or people. Am I mad about this, or is that just anger from another situation? Relief or Sorrow? Disappointment or Understanding? Anger or Forgiveness? Happiness or Depression?

It feels like everything around me is changing. I’ve been forced to cope and accept with change that I wanted to fight so badly. It’s so incredibly hard, especially when it’s a nightmare clashing with reality. My mind is slowly beginning to spin out of control, that’s why I love bullets. :)

· All my friends are switching roles

· I don’t ever feel like my blogs are good enough.

· I’m ready for trips to the beach

o Rule One For Beach Trips: No Opinions are allowed to voiced about the trip unless asked for it or on some manner requested.

o Rule Two For Beach Trip: Every beach go-er must read rule one over and over until all their opinions vanish.

· It was a hard decision, but it had to be done. I’m happy that I did it.

· Senior year has potential of greatly sucking.

· College has potential of rocking my face off, or sucking more then senior year.

· Who wants to get up early one day this summer, and go to Kings Dominion for the day?

o I would love to stay the night at the camp ground in tents. But we would need an adult, who parents trust.

· I still have pint up emotions from previous actions, that I said we’re gone, but they we’re actually just pushed down.

o I can be picked out of 2500 but not 75

§ Whatever…

· I hate when you find someone’s true colors and it ends up being ugly blacks and grays.

o By the way, black and grey aren’t colors. Hmm

· I think I wouldn’t mind being a traveling businessmen for a few years of my life.

o Work my way up the business field, make bunches of money, put it in savings.

§ Use money for traveling the world.

· It’s hard to make a bulleted list about what your feeling, when your not sure what it is your feeling.

2008-05-18T23:06:00.003-04:00

You’ve been standing in the road all day. The day has brought sun shine and blue skies. You’ve been enjoying the weather, the scenic masterpiece, and the sunshine hitting your face. But, towards the end of the day it starts to rain, to pour. Thunder rolls and lightning cracks, and you feel the hail hitting your face. Your feet begin to hurt because you’ve made them support your body all day. You find your self ready to leave, you grow impatient. You become reminded of why you were standing in the road. You’re waiting for something to come, to hit you. Finally, you see something in the distance. You see the headlights coming over the hill. But your sight is blurred because of the rain. You don’t know what’s heading towards you, but you know its coming, and its coming fast. You’re ready for it…

No, I don’t want a car to hit me.

Tonight, after service, I kneeled at the stage. I prayed hard and I prayed long. It was needed, it was over due. It was amazing.

I feel like a bulleted… mkay?

I Love c3. I love the overwhelming sense of peace that embraces me when I walk in. Even when I just drive by, its breath-taking. I love the people that walk with me through those doors. I love the passion that so many of them have embedded into the hearts.

I love my kids, I love them. I love how the call me Mr. Joe. I love when they see me in the hallway and give me a hug. I love the fact the some of them request my class. I love how they can't sense how overwhelmed and scarred I am to be their teacher.
I love the outstretched arm that we offer to those surrounding us. I love how Pastor Matt realizes how important grasping the idea of "It's not about making us happy, it's about lives out side of the church.
I love the music. The Staff. The Videos. The Message. The coffee. The tech team. The ushers. The Windows. The building. The bookstore. I love how big the seats are now. I love how much room there is in the lobby to just talk.

I hate the negativity that is associated in my church.

I had to defend it in my 1st block to a guy or said "I hate c3. You should never go to c3, it's like going to hell. If you want a sound biblical message, don't go there". I was forced to defend my church and to work with him in a group project.
In US History someone made a reference to something being like a cult. Mr. Hudson said "That's Funny, some guy in my class said church was like a cult." Four people shouted out "c3!!". 10 sets of eyes feel on my face. They looked at me, awaiting my reaction, they knew how much I wanted to say something. "Joe, it's okay, don't say anything". Mr. Hudson asked about c3, he didn't understand the reaction. Why there was such an outburst, followed by complete silence. "A lot people talk crap about c3. It's Joe's church" someone said. Everyone looked at me, Mr. Hudson asked me about it. I said all I wanted to. "People think it's a cult because its got 4,000 members and does things a little different". He noticed my anger, and changed the subject. I didn't speak the rest of the class.
I guess thats why I get so defensive when people leave, or change churches, or something like that. I don't want to have to defend c3 to people who were once on the same side as me. You know? (This isn't about just one person, please don't assume)

Now...random stuff:
I don't like any of the presidential candidates. I'm ready to see their running mates.
I'm struggling with feeling like I'm a good student. I do math, I calculate my GPA, in the future.

Theres no way I can make a 4.0 GPA and it kills me
I'm in the top 20% of my class, but it doesn't feel good enough
I tell myself, "Joe, it's okay." Your one of the only students in West Johnston to have had Algebra 1a1b and to take Honors Algebra 2. You went from taking no honors classes, to all honors and an AP next year. Joe, you have a learning disability, but you have overcome, be proud of yourself. You've worked just as hard, if not harder then all these people, your outcome is just slightly different.

But, it's hard.
I'm not stupid, but I can't help but feel like everyone else thinks I am.

Maybe if I finish my online AP class early, I'll have time to take another class and maybe bring my GPA up.

Wishful thinking is my conscience

Liberty... my heart longs for.
Senior year be good to me,please.
I love those kids in my art class, I look forward to that class. They make it worth coming to school.
Next Weekend:

Nice hotel
Free Zoo

Pandas

Memorials n such
I do like it there. I hope it's not to busy.
I'm allowed to bring a friend, who wants to come?

Fig/Guys Day

Camp:

I'm learning not to judge a book by its cover.
I signed up for it tonight, all $300.
It will be fantastic, it will.
I will grow close to:

God
Myself
Friends

New Faces

I'm going to miss the 12 hour drive, and the beautiful resort, and the crystal blue water, and the white sandy beaches, and the amazing pool, the awesome worship, but I'm looking forward to something different.
=) Robbie!

Summer:

Volunteer at Church during week

Scott Randlet
Who knows doing what

Sunday church normalities.
Visit Gramps twice a week.
Spend much time a la playa. (beach)
No Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....well maybe
Planning many beach trips with amigos

I like propel lemon water
I like the news
I spend a lot of time on face book

I'm okay with it

I love my phone.

You do to

Bill Hornsby ... he's my favorite.

Besides Robby, of course.

Mitch Fig is hilarious. I love TechTeam with him. He cracks me up.

I love the wheres joe group.

Truly I do

My dad comes home soon.

I wont see him much though.

Him and Momma are going somewhere for like 5 day

I'll see him for the last weekend he's here.
It's cool though.

I'm so envious of the graduates

I know...I shouldn't "envy"

I always look at the clock at 11:59pm
Public speaking is not my thing.
Butterfingers are
I drink way to much soda
I need some Madea
Wednesday I'm going to see Narnia ... con mi favoritos :)
I bribe my kids with kids cash.
I want the people in my first block to know the real me

They think I'm quiet.

thats dumb

And finally:

You and your family in my prayers. I pray he has his hands on your search and that he brings you to a home. I pray that where ever he brings you, that it's where you want to be and that you're happy there.
And You. I don't know how to pray for you. I just pray God guides me in the right direction.
You, you're always in my prayers. I pray for a victory.
I pray that you will find God's purpose in this. I pray that you will not let this conquer you.I know you wont let it, your stronger then that. I know God is just making room in your life for something so much greater!
And for you, I wish you knew how much I pray for you.

Peace.
14 days left of junior year.

2008-04-21T22:14:00.002-04:00

I’ve spent the last couple of days, home alone. It’s nice. It’s welcoming. It’s a generous innuendo to how my life will be after this era of school comes to a collapsing end. It shows me how life will be throughout college and life afterwards. It opens my eyes to how life will be when my life moves away from this place I will have named home for 12 years.

I’m forced to make the decision of what I’m going to eat. I have to let go of the safety net that is a mother to wake me up, just incase I sleep in a little. It’s required of me to start thinking on a budget, I can’t just go ask momma for a little more. Who knows when I’ll see her again to give me more money? I think cautiously, timidly but quickly and efficiently.

My heart longs for the joy of Liberty, for the stillness the Lynchburg brings it. It felt so at home there, it felt like it finally found the place that the next puzzle piece of life will be strategically placed. I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of reassurance fall over me every day. I’ve never been the sure about anything in my life. My physical body is still in here, but my heart is finding its place at Liberty. I know that at Liberty God will show me the next stages in life, like he did for Pastor Matt.

Even though my heart pleads and longs for Liberty, I know that it is a distant part of my life, a definite part, but its place lies in the future. Right now, I plan to rejoice in present. I can’t look too far into the future. I need to worry about now. The bible says not to even think about what will happen tomorrow, because we don’t know what it may hold.

Caswell was an eye opening experience for me. One thing that our council talked about was apathy in the school amongst teachers and students. It’s so upsetting to hear of how students and teachers put their heart into something, only to have a little outcome. It’s even more upsetting when you realize that you’re one of the ones causing problem. I’m not supportive towards anything the school does. That needs to change, and I’m praying that I can make it change. So I want to be more supportive towards the things going on at my school. So if you want to help me with this, let me know, and we’ll go to plays, and talent shows, and games, and highway clean-up days.

Summer Time

Camp
Grandma
Maybe staying a little while at Nannies
More, por favor?

Church

I love 2nd grade
I love the people
I like what it seems to becoming.

Grandparents

Pa - Doing good, still not able to walk though. He has to be able to get himself in and out of bed, and be able to walk before they will send him home.
Ma - They went to remove 1/3 of the tip of her lung (which is where the cancer was)

Discovered it had spread, had to sew her back up.

Surgery and Scars were pointless.
She told me she was mad at herself for smoking

"I'm so d**n mad at myself for this". Then pointing at the scar "this is what cancer does to you".
I didn't know how to respond.

She has to go through 7 weeks of Chemo and Radiation
The lady who was suppose to help her, backed out. She is old and we think she may have forgotten.

My mom is staying with her until Wednesday
My Uncles and my mom will be switching back and forth.
It's not going to be an easy 7-weeks.

Please Pray for them

School is stupid

Round table is boring and as weird people in it.
Hon.Us.His it's okay. I laugh in there a lot.
Art is getting frustrating, but it should get better.
Hon. Alg. Two ...no comment.

I love bullet list.

Really I do.

They are fantastic
And organized

They are happy

Rachel es muy muy bueno.
I thought about SGA

To late now

Wish List

To become a better artist

Pick up the skills
Become more creative
I would like to venture into photography

Spend even more time in the word.

Before and After bed

Kingdom Builder

Give at least $5 a week.

Decide what club I will join next year

FBLA
FCA
Key Club

Be nominated to be a Caswell Leader in 2009
Find ways to take the gifts God has given me and to make them into something beautiful that can glorify him and further his kingdom.

Peace out

It felt right

2008-04-13T19:56:00.002-04:00

This weekend. Liberty. It felt right. I felt like I was where I was suppose to be.

I would love to rejoice in the aftermath of it.

But my mind is distracted.

"jerk"

"not everyone in the group hates you"

"i think your fake. you tell people what they want to hear. you have a lot of growing to do"

"You're not fake. You're just insecure. And sometimes you take your insecurities a little bit too far and misread an outstretched arm as an attack. You can be very kind and encouraging, but you are also very defensive and that takes away from the effect that your words might actually have on a person. You just need to learn to love yourself more and become less sensitive, and you could be a life changer."

"i think your really funny and a good friend. you just tend to not be yourself around girls you like. it kinda hurts sometimes but hey weve all been there at one point."

I wish friends would be honest. Really. If Im doing something you don't like, approach me like a person. Don't honesty box me. Don't write blogs about it. Don't send emails to your friend about it. Approach me.

Honesty box people. Really? I mean really? Could you be more of a coward?

I've put so much into my friends. But they're not giving back. I'm done with it. If your truly my friend, I shouldn't have to fight for it to work.

I'm tired of feeling distant. Hated. Disliked. I'm over it.

Be my friend, nothing more. If I want more, I'll invite you.

God opened my eyes to new horizons this weekend.

For You My Friend

2008-03-31T23:13:00.002-04:00

For my friends.
You may or may not know who you are.
My prayers are for you tonight.
I pray that God lifts these stresses off you.
That you keep your eyes focused.
I want him to send you a beacon of light, in your pit of darkness.

Do not give into the devil. (1 Peter 5:8)
If he's trying so hard to break you down.
It only means that he can see the magnitude of your life.
He acknowledges what you can do for the Kingdom.
Don't let him win the battle.

My prayers go out to you tonight.

-joe roy

Next Blog: "Just Kidding"

Proverbs is good to me.

2008-03-30T23:59:00.004-04:00

NIV:

(new international version)

Proverbs 27:19

As water reflects a face, a mans heart reflects a man

Proverbs 29:11

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under-control

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, likewise one man sharpens another

Proverbs 28:26

He who trust in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.

JRT:

(joe roy translation)

1. if you find the heart, you find the real person.
2. fools show anger, the wise chill
3. we are strengthened by others. "Lean on meee...when your not strong"
4. fools trust themselves, but if you search for wisdom and guidance, safety es aqui

hello

2008-03-28T23:55:00.005-04:00

That's a graph of how many times people go to my blog.
Why so many hit's today?
hm?

But, this day was interestingly boring.
ha.
I woke up at 12.
Went to bdub with cousin.
We went to Chick-a-lay.
Got Milkshakes.
Said Heller to K.Weeks.
Went home.
Went to applebees with family.
Went to Wal*Mart
Then Best Buy.
Got Madea Movies
Watched "Madea Goes to Jail"
Everyone got home from the soccergame.
now im still bored.

Tomorrow, also looks like boredom.
Breakfest.
theeeeeeeeeeeeen.
nothing. all day.
who wants to chill?
holla!?

I've had a lot of the same things on my mind recently.
and for a change. they're all good.
I have one thing on my mind in particular. almost all day.
hm.

Madea:

Happy Day!

2008-03-27T23:52:00.003-04:00

Spring break.
You have been good to me.
Thank you for this glimpse of summer break.
I rejoice in you, Spring.
I look forward to your close friend summer.
He as well, will be joyus.
I thank God for you two.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't want to go back to school.
We still have like 10 weeks left.
But, that's cool. It will go by fast.
Hopefully

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My mind rejoices.
Friends. Church. Weather. Family.
I anticipate summer with great joy.
Honestly.
I cannot wait.
Beach and lake trips with friends, it will happen!
How about a possible water balloon fight?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

;-)
i wait.
hm.
ha

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going to pull a K.weeks, well sort of

Spring Break amigos, this is why I rejoice in you:

Chelsey - Ha! You are one fun girl. I'm happy that we have became friends. You know what to do to make me laugh. I enjoy talking to you about real stuff too. I look up to you.

Britt - You have perfected sarcasm and whit. You constantly know what to say, your always quick to say something funny.

Lorren - Chica, you are great. The laughter that we experience together is priceless. It's cool to be myself around you, cause it seems as though you cappreciate it. Its been awesome to see you grow.

Mitch - My friend, you are crazy, and I love it. You have this tendacy to begin the fun, and have it "snowball effect" by picking up everyone around you. (You get it?) You crack me. It's also good when we can talk a little serious, you have a good outlook on life.

Kristina - bff. you always make me laugh, and always know what to say to me. I look forward to college with you. It will be great. I look up to you and you are an inspiration to me. Your also so flipping smart. Your cool.

Raquel - You are great, you mean the world to me, and you know that. When we joke around with friends, your always the one who cracks me up the most. You have the greatest personality, and sense of humor. When we talk serious, its refreshing. Its great that you can understand my words, because I know there confusing. Your passion for what you love, it inspires me to love more. Your great.

Amanda Boyle - I save you for last, because of how we are working on our friendship. You are my sister in christ. You are the greatest Christian I know. You make it look so easy. From when I first met you, you have always been the one I've looked up to. I was so sadden to realize our friendship was becoming ordinary. But, I'm happy that we have realized and that we are working on it. You always keep me laughing, your corky and bubbly personality is contagious. I look forward to heaven with you!

Hm

2008-03-26T15:26:00.002-04:00

my dads warehouse got bombed today.
its gone.

he's safe.
it's just scary, you know?

Tonight:
Life Groups
Starbucks.

My mind is racing.

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but

Today

2008-03-25T23:54:00.004-04:00

Today, it was a good day.

Last night I prayed hard and long. An overwhelming relief of peace fell upon me.

"Father, help me only worry about the things I have a control over, I leave the rest to you"

I look forward to the days to come.

I like the park
I like friends
I don't like being the only chico.
I like the water.
Now I'm home, watching Drake and Josh.

Happy Madea

Do not feed the monkeys

oh mad-freaking-dea
you bring such laughter to my heart.

iight.

2008-03-24T14:18:00.004-04:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I love that quotation. It has so much meaning to those who are inadequate to themselves. I continuously fight with myself about my imperfection, that I forget that I am a child of God, and because of that I have qualities that he has given me. I was created by a perfect God, so therefore when I rely on him, I am brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous.

I have a lot I'm fighting with right now. A lot of negativity going on with me. All of these bad things are bringing me down, ruining the only good things I have left. They already ruined one of the best things that happened to me, and now their slowly ruining the rest. I'm losing my focus, becoming immature, and begging to allow the devil to have that foot hold on me. I'm neglecting friends, slowing down at church, and giving up in school.

Happiness will come. I know it will.

I pray for all of you. All of my friends. It seems that as a whole we have found ourselves stuck in a pit. We need to take the advice of Pastor Matt on how to remove our friends from the pit. I'm working on it, but I need the ladder to help me.

edited

2008-03-23T21:36:00.006-04:00

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

:// edit
my heart dwells in dreams, that I know are realistic nightmares. my mind becomes lost in thoughts, lost in hopes, lost in remorse. my soul longs for restoration, for peace, for enjoyment.

nothing good can come from telling you, nothing good can come from not. i already feel like I have said to much, I've let my guard down.

I do apologize to you, for not getting it right. For my insecurities and immaturity.
You don't and didn't deserve it.

please, don't make assumptions about who I'm talking about. As far as you know, they might not even know I have a blog.

Update:

2008-03-18T22:30:00.003-04:00

Somethings have happened since last update.

Well for one, just getting those things off my chest have made me 10x happier.
Prom looks as though, it may be better then originally assumed.
Madea =) she is great joy.

And finally. As you know may know, my grandpa is not been doing well. He is in rehab, and has to stay there until he can get up on his own. He's getting better slowly, but he's in better spirits then I have ever seen him. Yesterday my grandma got her test results back. She has lung cancer. It's not real surprise, shes been smoking since she was 14 (i think it was that young). But they say that its high enough in the lung that they hopefully will be able to easily reach and remove it. Just keep in them your prayers.

Yeah, theres type-os, spelling mistakes, and erros, but i don't care.

2008-03-16T19:52:00.002-04:00

My heart is breaking because, I don’t know why it is breaking.

Why can’t I just be happy again?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I fight so hard to make everything perfect, but it falls apart every time. I can’t seem to find the words that describe what I’m feeling. But there’s some things I need to get off my chest. They’re going to be short, simple and blunt.

I have an iPhone, my parents have a BMW, I have a lot, my dad has a 6 digit salary, but do not judge me and call me rich. Calling me rich is an insult. Go look and see what the bible says about the rich. But that is for Gods eyes and judgments only. Do not take the blessing I have received from God and throw them on the ground with your petty words and jealous heart.

I wish I could say I’m sorry my parents are not strict. But, I’m not! Your parents may have rules for your life, maybe even try to control every thing you do, but my parents don’t. Okay? Get over it! At least you don’t go through every day wondering where your parents will spend eternity! Wondering how can heaven be so great, when you may spend it alone. Consider you’re self blessed!

I’m going to use names here. Chris, Jeni, Thomas, Jeremy, Adel, Rushton. I have had so much remorse towards you guys. You left us, you just up and left us. I haven’t heard from half of you. And only have seen some of you at a funeral. But, I forgive you. My heart is with you. And you and your ministries are in my prayers.

I still have so much sadness in my heart after the Leadership thing. And I can’t figure out how to let it go. Why, the freak wont it just leave me. “we fought with our leadership over you”. Why was your leadership fighting back?

92 out of 550 is a horrible class rank to me. A 85 is a horrible grade to me. And 89 is a horrible grade to me. A 91 on my junior paper kills me. Why can’t I just succeed like everyone else.

Why do I still feel like I blew it with you? Why can’t I just realize it wasn’t right?

I’ve been watching “The Moment of Truth”. If you have seen the show, you would know they always seem to ask you questions in the same topics. They break there families hearts for money. All they have to do is answer the questions truthfully. I can’t help but wonder what they would ask me about. My Dad. My family relationships. My faith.

There so much more on my heart.

I feel terrible every time I don’t answer the text message, email, phone call, asking me how I’m doing. But the truth is, my heart doesn’t want to think about it. It feels like a brain teaser in my head, with no answer in sight.

I don’t blame my sadness on anyone but my selfish self.

“JUST BE HAPPY AGAIN, GET OVER YOUR PETTY LITTLE PROBLEMS”

I want to got o Africa, Mexico, Brazil. I want to go to places where my problems mean nothing, and I can make my problems the problems of others.

My heart lies in ministry. I know this now. I’m sticking by it. Ministry is my future. Liberty is my university, I’m sorry if it’s to conservative for you, maybe your to freaking liberal for me.

KINGSFEST!

It will be joy! I want you guys to come so bad.

Disclaimer: If theres any part of this trip you don’t like. Don’t go. Your negative engry will not bring down my joy.

Peace Out.

With loves guys, honestly.

Dear B.F.F.

My heart broke even more tonight to see you sad. I wanted everything to ask you what was wrong. I wanted to do what ever I could to make it better. But I knew that if you told me, I wouldn’t be able to make it. I want you to know, my heart broke not asking you. But I was protecting it from breaking more. You are in my constant prayers, and you will forever be a blessing upon my life.

ugh.

2008-03-15T22:11:00.004-04:00

Somethings Missing.

...and I don't know what it is.

Something is missing, and I want it.
when I'm with my absolute best friends, I feel out of place.
Sometimes they really make me feel like crap, worthless, stupid, a waste.

I can't feel this way anymore. My soul wont make it.

I don't know how to explain it.
It almost brings me to tears thinking about it.

Why doesn't it just click anymore?

Maybe I'm the thing bringing the group down.

A Post...

2008-03-04T22:01:00.002-05:00

It's time for a new post, no?

The only reason I haven't posted in awhile is because I don't know what to post about. But, let me tell you whats going on, kay?

::1st Thing's First::
Joy has been rooted into my heart. I'm finally free! My house is empty, only me and momma. It is quiet and peaceful. I am, let say, rapturous? Possibly ecstatic? or maybe even effervescent. Shall we go with all of the above? Yes, I think we shall. Although it has only been 3 1/2 days, my heart has began to heal from the turmoil that was those 7 month.

We should party, to celebrate this occasion, don't you think? I think so too. But, when I said my house was empty, I meant empty. We let the borrow our dining room table, so dining room is empty. All the stuff that was in the kid's room, is gone, so it as well is empty, and we thew out the couch because it was broken, so we have a total of two chair in the living room, mi casa is empty.

::Pray for my nerves. Please?"
This Sunday, the one and only Tami Poland has requested that I begin teaching a.k.a becoming a "small group leader". WHHUUUUAAT? I know, I know, it's crazy. The idea of me, Joe Roy, leading a class room full of elementary kids and making them follow rules, and do activities, it is scary! I'm teaching, not assisting the one who is teaching, but actually teaching. I will most likely get my own assistant. Well, at least I hope so, I better! I can't be doing all of it on my own, I'm not superman.

But, I looked over the lesson plan this week, and even got a binder to put it all in, and I am getting excited. I'm nervous like mess, so keep me in your prayers about this, okay? Please! But, I am ridiculously excited, let just hope Tami Poland doesn't forget or change her mind, that would totally bum me out.

::Cool Mess Happing Soon::

- First Wednesday - nuff said.
- Winter Jam - MercyMe, Skillet, Barlow Girl, Mandisa, Newsboys, Group 1 Crew. uh-heck-yuh!
- Prom - Haven't bought anything yet. I should get on that right?
- Leadership Retreat - Soon, Soon, Soon! Joy, Joy, Joy!
- CFAW - Not as Soon, but more Joy! more Joy! more Joy!

::Other Mess::
School bites, go figure.

I suck at algebra 2. surprise, right?

I'm finally really happy again. It's about time, I know.

Church is good, still have problems with it. "get over it, Joe!"

College come quick. "patience Joe, patience"

Friends are joy. "Duh"

Peac3

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
Psalm 9:1

My Mind

2008-02-18T20:19:00.004-05:00

Plus talking to Mitch and Scott about helping with EPIC tech permanently. But, only if Mitch is cool with it, I don't want to take away from his joy.

Plus the obvious. But, its getting better. Heck, it's getting great! I'm finding some plus'. Some of them more serious then others. I'm finding ironic things linked to this, sort of like "don't forget who"'s and "just remember"'s. They make me laugh, mainly because I don't believe the meaning behind them, but there true. It's making everything good!

God is Good.
Good is like saying God's name slow.
God is to Good
As Joe is to Jooe.
Get it?

2008-02-17T22:21:00.005-05:00

missnancydrew09 (9:52:01 PM): and pray a lot, of course

joeroy126 (9:53:00 PM): i know.

joeroy126 (9:53:14 PM): god totally had my back today.

joeroy126 (9:53:47 PM): last night when I was sitting in her drive way. I said to myself "i wish I could talk to christal nelson"

joeroy126 (9:53:54 PM): and she was at church today.

missnancydrew09 (9:54:08 PM): UH-mazing

joeroy126 (9:54:14 PM): then Krysteah and Tawny brought joy to my heart.

joeroy126 (9:54:38 PM): tonight I was like "I wish I could have Rachel P. to talk to me, to be real with me"

joeroy126 (9:55:17 PM): then, for w/e reason, whether you told her to or she just did it on a whim, she IMed me tonight about it.

joeroy126 (9:55:51 PM): both scott's and pastor matt's messages were relevant to it.

joeroy126 (9:56:35 PM): I talk to my mom about how I'm not happy anymore. It was the first thing I have ever talked to my mom about, that was serious.

joeroy126 (9:57:54 PM): he gave me the oppurtunity to sit next to the Jaquays and cory this morning. He gave me the oppurtunity to help with TechTeam tonight. He kept my mind off of it.

joeroy126 (9:58:10 PM): he had my back.

missnancydrew09 (9:58:49 PM): that is amazing

missnancydrew09 (9:58:51 PM): like seriously

missnancydrew09 (9:58:56 PM): beyond conceivable

missnancydrew09 (10:00:01 PM): i have been thinking about you to God so it's cool to see how he answers the stuff that's important to us

joeroy126 (10:00:17 PM): leave it to god to be amazing, and beyond conceivable

((add in)) How could I have forgotten! The figs! The marvelous figs! Little Fig, made me laugh about the situation, he is cool. Other two fig dudes, took my mind off of it. Momma and Mr. Fig all of the above and support. They brought me comfort. They are great. ((end add in))

today was good.
god's got my back.

I'm ready to be happy again.
it will come.

______________________________________________________________

//:: Revolution come fast.
Rachel Partridge get here soon!
Revolution and Rachel, Bring the joy thats was instored in me over the summer back, please.

______________________________________________________________

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

I hate them

2008-02-17T00:57:00.003-05:00

My insecurities have a way of screwing me over.

They ruin everything that is my life.

My Friendships.
Relationships.
Family Life.
Church Life.
School.
Worshiping.
Honoring.
Obeying.
Following.
Caring.
Showing.
They ruin me.

They take everything I want, and make them unreachable.

Why can't I just be happy with who I am? Why am I not brave enough to step out on faith.

Psalm 139:13
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Insecurities are the devil.
I believe that with all my heart.

--esta noche--
-sucked-
i felt like i talked for 3 hours, for nothing.
it was torture to my mind, soul, body, and spirit.

Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Esta Noche

2008-02-16T19:39:00.002-05:00

:: Thinking in the Wal*Mart parking lot

:: Texting in the Zaxbys parking lot

:: Pulling over in a random neighborhood on the way home so my mind didn't get the best of me

:: Crying in my neighborhood

:: Yelling in my drive way

:: Hating myself in my room

:: Wishing, praying, hoping, hating esta noche

I've never cried over someone before. Theres a first time for everything I guess.

She has a hold on me.

To My Friends

2008-02-12T21:53:00.005-05:00

Been a hard one, Been a bad one
Been a tough one, Been a sad one
It's been one of those days that keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothing new here, It's what I do here
its a stereotypical day, in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
but I know it's alright, woah oh

Cause it's only the world i'm living in
It's only today i've been given
There ain't no way i'm giving in
Cause it's only the world (oh cause it's only the world)
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me
do do do do do do do do do, yeah its only the world

Anybody can you hear me?
Do you feel me? I mean, do you feel me?
I know I'm not the only one wearing the weight of this world
We got problems (said it's alright)
Just remember (yeah, it's alright)
Take a good look around we're just stuck on the ground for a little while
Don't it make you smile

Cause it's only the world i'm living in (Yeah)
It's only today i've been given(Yeah)
There ain't no way i'm giving in
Oh Cause it's only the world (only the world)
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me
do do do do do do do do do, yeah its only the world (Yeah)

do do do do do do do do do, yeah its only the world(Oh it's only the world)

Heaven is a place where the tears on every face will be wiped away
Oh And I can't wait to go, but for now it's enough to know
This is only temporary this is only, Yeah, Alright!

Cause it's only the world i'm living in
It's only the day i've been given
There ain't no way i'm giving in
Cause it's only the world (only the world)
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me

Cause it's only the world i'm living in
It's only tod i've been given
There ain't no way i'm giving in
Cause it's only the world (only the world)
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me
(So much more than only the world, yeah)

do do do do do do do do do, yeah its only the world

do do do do do do do do do, yeah its only the world

I've notice a common trend amongst my friends recently, stress.

I heard this song, and I thought about you all.

Just chill out, its only the world.
This is only a season.

Joy!

2008-02-08T20:42:00.000-05:00

(Soon To Be)

I haven't had a happy post in awhile.

But, I'm happy. I am.

(No, I'm not licking her ear, it just looks like it)

And my dads Home!!

So...

2008-02-02T15:46:00.000-05:00

Add it on to the list of things I suck at.

Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more
This ever changing world pushes me through another door
I saw you smile and my mind could not erase the beauty of your face
Just for a while won't you let me shelter you

Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
I wish that I could give you something more
and I could be yours

How do we explain something took us by surprise
Promises invade love that is real but in disguise
What happens now do we break another rule
and let our lovers play the fool
I don't know how to stop feeling this way...

Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
If only I could give you something more
Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
and the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
Every time I look into your eyes I'm helplessly aware
That the someone ive been searching for is right there...

Hold onto the night
Hold onto the memories
I wish that I could give you more
whoa...
Hold onto the night
-Richard Marx

edit://
we didn't brake up, if thats what you're thinking.
i'm just really bad at it.

Mi Amiga Mejor

2008-02-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

I finally got to hang out with her tonight.
...it's been forever.

I took to her house to get some stuff,
we chilled at my casa for a few.
headed to crabtree.
walked around the mall.
ate at the marvolus PF Changs.
walked the mall some more.
went home.

Now, all of that was filled with constant joy, laughter, craziness, incredibly nice waiter, shopping, phone calls, and glorious times.

On the way home, we danced in my car to club 105.

She is my best friend. She makes me authentic.
She reminds me of who I want to be.

She means the world to me.
seriously.

AHH!

2008-01-28T08:17:00.000-05:00

I'm done with it.
My patience is gone.
My heart is done giving.
My grace is full.
My time is done.
My love is shaken.
My mind is on overload.
I can't stand it.

There used to be pros and cons about the situation. Now, all I see are cons. Con after con after con!

I'm breaking my mind, my mind is seriously breaking, searching for ways to cope, to deal. But it's hard, its worse then it's ever been, and it can't get better. I'm searching my soul and brain for ways, but theres nothing, it's empty.

The way they live, the way they spend their money, how they raise their kids, how they treat one another. His constant need to feel accepted, his overprotection, his favoritisms, he all about me attitude. Her continuous complaints, her way with saying the right things to piss me off, her neediness. The noise, the rudeness, the toys, the disrespect to my mother. All of it and more.

I feel horrible about this. I should be compassionate, life-giving, sharing, kind. I shouldn't pray that they get there house, not for there joy, but only because of my selfishness.

I just want them gone. I want them out.
And I want to stop complaining about this.

And when they are, you will know, because there will be the greatest fiesta at my house. I promise!

Proverbs 25:15
Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

2 Corinthians 6
3We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left;

Curious George

2008-01-23T00:53:00.001-05:00

Me Gusta This a lot.

I want to be George, why am I not that cool?

I love My Mommy

2008-01-21T00:13:00.000-05:00

I got home tonight.
I was really tired.

I walked in the Kitchen, and sitting on the middle of the counter was a plate of brownies with a little candle in them.

That means it's the beginning of my birthday week. My mommy remembered,
I love her.
She's better then your mommy.

Peace.
to bed for me.

And I finally talked to Tami Poland, she is pretty awesome. Plus, she was the best one on stage tonight dancing, she rocks.

Dear Tami Poland,

2008-01-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

Please find someway to contact me!!

I have a device that is able to receive e-mails and phone calls.

We call it the GodPod

I'm not the hard to get in touch with.

I think hearing from you might make it easier for me to make a decision!

Well, better yet.
Just wait till Sunday now.

Confusion...

2008-01-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

My heart is tearing.

Stay with Pre-school…

Move to elementary

TechTeam, Welcome, Door Greeter.

I know not which one to choose.

I pray that God shows me the path he wants me to follow, and soon. Very Soon, I can’t go on not knowing where is right much longer.

Sweet and Simple

2008-01-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

I notice, being the observant person I am, that when I give you the major points and don’t go into a lot of detail, I get a response. So I’m going to keep most of the updates short, simple, but meaning full, +plus somethings are better left between me and god anyhow.

But this is what on my mind:

EPIC – Oh, how I look forward to the joy that will come of it, the spectacular joy that will be radiant in Epic and Fusion soon. My heart is prepared, it’s ready. It’s like a dog waiting by his owner, anticipating the word, waiting for the right time. Then the sweet release by the owner, making it free to take a hold of what’s in front of it.

Last Blog – My apologies for the blunt, considerably rude form of writing my concerns. I should have expressed them differently. I still meant what I said, just not in the tone it was written.

Mr. Scott Randlett – He is cool. He is what this youth group needs and longs for. I trust in him and his plans for the youth. I seriously look forward to what God will do through him. I pray that you do to.

Family – My nerves can’t take them "much longer". I feel d.i.s.t.a.n.t. Like its always six against one, two when Christopher’s home.

Business Law – 91% , heck yeah man. I only knew 005 out of 100 for sure, I thought I failed.

Biology – Oh Crap, could be horrible. Mitosis, Meiosis, DNA, RNA, ATP, Mendel, O = ii, 6 CO_2(gas) + 12 H₂O_(liquid) + photons → C₆H₁₂O₆(aqueous) + 6 O_2(gas) + 6 H₂O_(liquid), membrane, mitochondrion, lipids, sugar…….. Awman

Next Semester – Look forward to change, not so much no friends in my classes

1^st – Round Table: Hider =)
2^nd – Hon. US History: Hudson =\
3^rd – Art One: Compton =)
4^th – Algebra Two: Dalton x(

Next Year – So far I want, Honors English Four, Honors Spanish 3, and Anatomy. Maybe throw in an AP

class…maybe not.

Novia – She is bliss. Pure bliss.

Other – Summer, Life after college, Hillsong College, Liberty, el padre, 5 days off followed by 6 days off. =) glory. Friendships.

Holla

Yes!

2008-01-09T22:46:00.000-05:00

I love c3.

I enjoy starbucks.

First Wednesdays are my favorite.

Still haven't back from Tami Poland, what does that mean?

Scott, he's the man.

I Have faith in what he's going to do.

I'm totally on board.

Wanna Know Why?
Well, new post coming soon!

Youth

2008-01-06T21:31:00.001-05:00

I’m done with being quiet about it.

I’m done hiding it.

I’m done sugar coating it.

I’m ready to be blunt.

Since the last blog was about changes in my life, I decided to continue that theme. Not being selected as a student leader in the youth group broke me. Mentally I had a fit, a brake down, an overload. Nobody knows how much my heart longed for that. I was ashamed to not be picked, broken hearted to not be considered leadership. When I first found out, I’m not ashamed to say, it brought me to tears. It broke me. Satan took it and ran with it. I didn’t tell anybody because I was ashamed of it.

But like I said before, I have copped with it, not completely, but its coming. It made me realize that there was change needed in my life. So I decided to leave pre-school. But that’s not the only thing I need to change. But this change I have no control over, which is evident of not being invited to the weekend.

Youth needs to stop and take a 180 turn. It doesn’t need to completely change its heading in an okay direction, but a 180 flip will put it in a life changing direction. I don’t know how fusion is. Epic is dull, boring, a mirror image of Sunday morning. I don’t go to youth for the same thing I get on Sunday morning. It lacks maturity on my level; I feel as though an 11 year old being talked down to and being told what to do.

The sermons don’t teach me, they repeat what I already know. The worship is repetitive. I don’t feel the passion coming out. I see leaders who just do it to get the job done. No umph, nothing special.

The leadership is adult full. Youth should be an opportunity for students to connect, worship, learn, SERVE, and TEACH. I tend not to go to an adult in search of advice, because if I needed an opinion with seniority, I would go to my parents. I go to students, my peers, people that would understand what I was going through. I want to see students serving students, making an impression on students.

You tell me we the church of today and tomorrow, but we have no options to be the church.

It was tonight when it hit me in the face. When the thought “I’d rather be spending the hour at home alone doing devotionals” crossed my mind, that’s when it swept over me. I used to love youth, I would have rather to have been there then anywhere else in the world.

I want passion.

I want student serving.

I want more connections.

I want a lot.

I want change.

I don't want to feel this way.

//edit::

I want to spend more time with people from youth.

I want mission trips.

I want youth outings.

I want to connect to one another, so we can connect with others.

I was opportunity's to change peoples life, change the world.

//add on::

I don't want this to look like I'm dissing the leadership. Or the pastors. If Cory or Scott or Krystal or anyone reads this, I want them to know, this is me telling them I'm wanting a change. I want to partner with them to make it better. I want to hear their opinions, but I want them to hear mine to. I'm on board with them, we serve the same God, so we must serve the same purpose!

Hold up, what?

2008-01-03T20:21:00.000-05:00

Hm. That’s how I felt soon after I found out. I can’t go into details, say names, places, or affiliations because then it will become obvious.

I remember thinking “Hold up, what? I didn’t get picked, they didn’t pick me, but I’m me?” before long I realized that it was selfish of me to think this. But it still didn’t stop my heart from breaking, my mind to go crazy, and my feelings from being hurt.

I got over it, almost forgot about it, then the event happened, and my heart broke harder, feelings hurt worse, and mind went crazier then ever. I wanted to be there with all my heart, I wanted to be recognized; I wanted the privilege, the knowledge, the fun. But I have had to accept that there is a greater cause for me not being involved with it.

But not being involved in this made me take a long look at myself and my heart. I feel like God is telling me to start anew. I want to walk into the church this Sunday back to the way I was before. I feel like I’m fading into the church, becoming a face in the crowd. God has been telling my heart for awhile it’s time for a change. He has been preparing my heart for something new, different, larger.

I’ve decided to leave the pre-school ministry. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it’s huge. I started in pre-school the day that I started going to Sunday morning service. Easter will be 2 years with pre-school. I fell in love with it instantly. I grew in places I was weak in, I became a better person. Part of me has always been the 4 year old room. I don’t feel like I’m going to grow any more in preschool. I believe God has taught me all he is going to through pre-school, at least in this part of my life.

I’m not sure where I’m going to go. I’m looking at all the possibilities, door greeter, tech team, usher, even elementary or nursery. But I’m praying about, and waiting for God’s direction.

I’m ready for new.

I’m ready for college.

I’m ready for the real world.

I’m ready to change the world.

Liberty University Funny Flash

2008-01-02T16:36:00.001-05:00

My Future University.

Oh. I look forward to the glory it will be!

The Joy, Oh The Marvelous Joy

2007-12-25T22:41:00.000-05:00

3:00am and bam, I'm up like a firecracker on 4th of July. I role over to look at the clock, when I realize the disappointment it brings, I role back over and fight for sleep. While fighting I think of many things, such as, the joy awaiting me downstairs, the family, the church, the novia, the joy still awaiting my downstairs.

6:00am once again the excitement awakes me, thinking well I finally got to sleep after 4am. Knowing that the ninos and I decided that 7:30 would be a prime time to wake up, I made an executive decision to change that time to 7:00. That still leaves me 1 whole hour to impatiently wait, so I turn on the T.V. everything’s got “Paid Programming” on, so I flip it to 53 the channel of hell and boring programming. I spent the next hour amazed of how such a dim-witted show, Parental Control, can be on the air.

Finally 7:00 was here. I jumped out of my bed, having already put on my clothes, put in my contacts, and brushed my teeth while waiting. I run to the ninos room and wake them, how I’ve always wanted to be the one doing the waking-up instead of the on who has to be woken up.

We make it down stairs, staring at my goodies, only seeing by the multicolored lights coming off the tree; my heart was once again not disappointed. Waiting to touch them until the baby came out. Listening closely for the go signal, I over hear Kelley awaking the baby, who is terrified of that Santa guy. “Amy Jane wake up, Santa Came!!” a pause then the glorious words came from the baby “And he’s gone right?” She runs out and there goes the joy of playing with brand new toys.

How I love this holiday. Everything about it I delight in.

Psalm 139

2007-12-06T19:39:00.000-05:00

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Last night God spoke to me. He didn’t whisper it in my ear nor did he yell it to my face. It was more of a moderate tongue that spoke realization in my heart.

Forever have I doubted myself, forever I said that there was nothing I was good at, and forever I though that I had nothing to offer this world. But last night God told me that when I doubted myself, I doubted him.

I doubted what he created, what he did, I doubted his purpose.

Romans 14:23
But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

I’ve let the devil have this hold on me, a void stopping me from getting real with God. I let him tell me, that since I’m not amazing in school, I’m not an artist, I’m not a musician, I’m not the athlete, that I am not worth anything.

But I’m here to proclaim to you, the world, the devil, and most importantly myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God created me for a reason, and I will not like anyone stop me from fulfilling his plan for me.

I may not understand it now; But God has a purpose for me. I proclaim here and now that the devil will no longer have this hold on me. Last night I felt the hand of God reaching in me and taking that void around my heart in his hands and destroying it.

I can’t run a mile in 6 minutes, I don’t get all A’s, I can’t paint you a masterpiece or sing you a song. I don’t use correct grammar, I do, however, count with my fingers. I use corny little rhymes to remember things, and I correct myself incorrectly. But that’s because God made me real, he made me organic.

I don’t know what God wants me to do in life. I have no clue. But one day he will tell me out of the blue. It might be telling me to move to Africa, or he could tell me to get an office Job and have your American dream. He might tell me to be a head pastor, youth pastor, or children’s pastor. He might tell me to move to Indiana and start a church.

I don’t know, but he knows, and I put my faith in him. He has my future, he’s writing my map, and he has my purpose.

I am here for something, and I am good for something.

novia

2007-11-29T22:36:00.000-05:00

Does it ever amaze you how GOD works in your heart and mind in places you thought were closed, and at times so unexpected? It’s as though I thought GOD had closed up shop and put a sign on the door that says “Come Back After College”. Then BAM he flings the door open, throws you in the middle of the room, and has someone standing there with a sign saying “surprise”. Man, was it a surprise. Here I was with girl who I liked and she actually felt the same way.

God surprised me with this one. I sat with her every day at lunch, this semester and last year second semester. But, I never had a “crush on her”. But, when I was in Germany God and I did inventory of that shop. When I got home, we went to the fair together with some friends. It was on the zipper when I realized there was a possibility I probably might kind-of like her. When I got home, I knew it. So I wrote a blog. The blog told the world I had feelings for this girl who was out of my league. But, come to find out, she might have felt the same way to.

We’ve been dating for about a month now. She, well she, she is indescribable. She is hilarious; she always knows what to say to laugh. Laugh, when I’m with her I don’t laugh I split my side, and lose my breath laughing so hard. Her intelligence never ceases to stun me. She can do anything she puts her mind to, and she will do it to the best she knows how. I can tell her anything. She likes me even with all my insecurities, weird niches, and strange personality. Now that we do date I realized she's not out of my league, she's way way out of my league. Plus, she easy on the eyes to, but that’s not what matters :).

But this sounds sappy. Just be ready for the unexpected, don't ever think God doesn't know whats going on. It's like going down the road at night, then an unexpected turn comes up and turns you in a totally different direction. Take each day one by one, don't think to hard about the future. Don't set guidelines for God, hes sets them for you.

But I like her.
I do I do.
Peace

For the novia. I might have a big nose, a unibrow, be goofy, and have dookie colored eye, but you picked me.

Find this on high school career track

2007-11-25T21:55:00.000-05:00

I want to go to college. I want to gain knowledge. I want to take the knowledge and go out into the world. I want to take that knowledge and use it to pass it on to the world. I want to go through the world spreading the word of Christ.

I’d want to swim in a swamp, risk getting bit by a snake, or eaten by an alligator, so that I can find people who have never even heard the word Jesus before. I want to tell them about the GOD who saves. I want to run through the savanna and danger getting chased by a lion, to serve GOD.

“Jesus did not say that the world should go to the church; essentially he said the church should go to the world”
-Greg Laurie

I don’t want to mission in America, not a soul in the country hasn’t heard the name Jesus spoken. But, they choose to be ignorant and disregard it and chose not to appreciate it. I want to spend my time serving people who have never had the chance to hear the lord whisper in their ear, to feel the presence of the holy ghost fill them, to fall on there knees in awe.

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light"
-John Keith Falconer

But I want a family. I want a wife one day. I want children. I want to have a family who serves the lord. I want a house, and a dog, maybe some fish. I want a fenced in back yard. I want a church and home. I want friends when I get older. I want a stable job.

Is it possible to have both?

mhm!

2007-11-20T22:06:00.000-05:00

My life is inconceivable.

Do you ever stop just to appreciate life? Just to thank god for all you have. All that he has given to you, all he has sacrificed for you. “This is the day the lord had made, let us be glad and rejoice in it.”

Look at life, count the bad things in your life, and then count your blessings. If the bad things out number the blessings, stop being negative. It’s not GOD giving you more bad then good, it’s you focusing on the bad.

Make sure you count every blessing. Not just the big things. Sometimes we look at things we think are bad, but when you really think about it there actually blessings.

Look at the good not the bad. Negative people make for a negative world.

I got a 100 on a genetic paper
I don’t have school for 3 days
My favorite family is coming up this week
Its thanks giving
My grades are pretty good
I finally got my own car
I have an astonishing girlfriend
I’m going to Myrtle Beach with the Girlfriend
I feel close to god
I have remarkable friends

My life is beyond blessed

-Joe

Did I mention that I have an astonishing girlfriend. Who I'm blessed to be with. Shes beautiful, genius, hilarious, and coo’.

Wait! ... Let me rant.

2007-10-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

This blog is addressed to someone particular. It may seem immature or wrong. But it’s been on my mind for a long time and I’m really ready to let it out.

You left. You left with almost not a single word. Someone who helped change my life so dramatically and you left. We never got a real reason, just a load of crap after another. With out warning, we were left to make our own assumptions. Now, since you’ve left all the accusations have come out. All negative, all bad. And I’m left to pick the one I think would be most probable.

People who care for you ask how you’re doing. People who once meant something to you, they ask you about life. But you can’t find the time of day to respond back to anyone. You can’t manage to send us a report on how life is. No, you just take all the negative energy already associated with your name and make it worse. I don’t know if you’re mad at us. But the fact is, no matter what happened between you and the church, pastor matt, or anyone; you shouldn’t take it out on us. When you took that job, it was a lifetime commitment, even if you left two months in, you signed up for a life time relationship with everyone in the church. But you just leave, and you get everyone fired up. You got some of the best leaders c3 had to offer, to stomp off with you, making the youth group have to assume about them as well.

I’ve been out of the country, I’ve flipped my car, I have 8 people living in my house, my dads still in Iraq. But, how could you know? You use to ask me about those things. But now, you don’t care enough to drop a line to anyone. I know nothing about what’s going on in your life. Except from what I see in my facebook mini-feed.

I looked up to you, I respected you like no one else in the world. When your name was said, all these positive thoughts came to my head. I didn’t listen to anything people said about you, and I always defended you. Now, all my thoughts of you are negative, all of them. I feel like everything that the church and you shared was for nothing.

But I guess, you know what’s best for you. Right?

Relationship Status: Single

2007-10-21T20:32:00.002-04:00

I told people at one time that I wasn't going to date until I got out of High school. I told them that I had made that commitment to GOD. But, I realized I was just using that as an excuse when people asked my why I didn't have a girlfriend. I used GOD, the creator of the universe, as an excuse to why I couldn't "get some". Sorry for my street lingo there. The fact is, I really don't have a problem, with the idea of dating in high school, or the fact that people do it.

I think that GOD gives us those relationships in High school to possibly makes us stronger and to test us to see if were ready for bigger things to come. I've always like the idea of having a girlfriend. I'm not even going to lie, but there is someone who "catches my eye" at the moment. But, I'm not going to tell her, or anyone. I'm not going to play that whole middle school crush game. The only reason I would ever tell someone I liked them, I use that word "like" in a blurred way because I hate that saying, is if I felt as thought the feeling was mutual. But since me and this person have basically talked about it in a indirect way, I don't think that she feels the same way. Plus, I don't want to freak her out, or hinder our relationship with each other.

I pray that GOD will send someone into my life when he thinks it's time. I pray that he keeps me strong, and doesn't let me become that person who I use to be. I want that relationship with someone, but at this point and time, I don't feel like theres anyone in my life that I have the feelings for. Even though there is that one person, I don't want to become anyone who will be obsessed. I don't want to write a blog that hints about the person who I like, so that hopefully they will figure it out, but in the long runs just makes them run away.

These feelings were gone for a really long time, but there back. I have matured since then. Although there isn't anything I can do to stop these feelings, I hope I can learn to cope with them. I pray that I can keep my eyes focused on GOD and on my beliefs. I hope that I have grown since the last crush, but I guess we'll see.

Single until GOD says so,
-Joe

Romans 12:21

2007-10-11T17:20:00.000-04:00

I was sitting on the balcony in my hotel room, and I was reading in Romans. I found a verse, and it stood out to me. Which I pray happens every time I open a bible. But this verse, I think most people have heard it before, but it is Romans 12:21

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

This small verse says so much. Do not be overcome by evil do not let yourself fall in the ways of man. Do not follow down the road of temptation or the path of sin. But overcome evil with good. When you see evil and wrong doing, don't just sit there, with the compassion of a rag, but stand up with the love of the lord.

When there is evil happening all around you, you need to make sure the light of the world is shinning through. You might be the only person in the whole room who has the lord in there heart. If you're not going to let the light shine though you, who will? We should make it our mission to find rooms with evil confined in the walls, and throw them down with the lords mercy, grace, and good teachings.

It can be so easy to fall into temptation, and it can be ridiculously hard to be a Christ follower. But no one ever said it was going to be easy. But I know, and I can guarantee you, that it will be worth it. It will be so worth it. When one day we can have a never ending party with the people who found the lord, because of our actions, and our willingness to step out on faith.

So when your in that room that is full of the ways of the world, and overflowing with evil. Overcome that evil with good. It could be someone in that rooms last chance to ever experience someone who's eyes stay focused on the lord. And they might be amazed.

I find myself wanting people to think I'm cool (not in the way you're thinking), so that they will approach me, or look to me, or look for wisdom from me. Then I can show them the love the lord showed me, through most of you reading this blog. Have you ever noticed that the cool people in our school are respected by everyone. Students, teachers, coaches, staff, everyone. We need to be cool enough for people to look to us for questions. So that we can remove this void that stops us from talking to them. So that we can begin to whisper the word of GOD in the ears or them who are hurting. I'm not telling you I think we should confide to the ways of the world, but become a person who is looked upon by persons, and who's actions are loved by GOD.

hm...
In you I live, move, and breathe. Let everything I say and do be founded by my faith in you.